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Dear Jane (I. M. Telling)

Dear Jane by I. M. Telling

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Dear Jane,

I am so sorry to have to tell you but our marriage is finally and really over and I never thought that I would ever say this to you but shit just happen sometimes. I guess it all began when I realized just how nasty a skank you really was. Don't you be a lookin' for me 'cause I won't be there when you finally get released from county.

Hold on and be prepared to be grossed out. I. M. Telling has been at it again with the final farewell from a woman's husband in this Redneck satire.

Content Warning: This story is intended for mature readers who will not be offended by graphic depictions of sex acts between consenting adults.

Product type: EBook    Published by: author - self-published    Published: 4 / 2014

No. words: 10621

Style: Open Minded Erotica

Available Formats: Palm  MobiPocket (MOBI)  EPUB  Sony Reader (LRF)  PDF  MS Reader  This book has a format which can be downloaded to Kindle


Dear Jane,
I am so sorry to have to tell you but our marriage is finally and really over for good and I never thought that I would ever say this to you but shit just happen sometimes, and with you the shit pretty much happened from the first day we got ourselves hitched.
I guess it all began to seemed all sorta fucked up when I realized just how nasty a skank you really was. Don’t you be a lookin’ for me ‘cause I won’t be there when you finally get released from county. I’m sorry that you will be readin’ this while you still locked up but it is really better this way, at least for me. I don’t want to have to fret about you bein’ all pissed off and shootin’ me or trying to cut my balls off or somethin’. I knows how you is and a man has to take steps to make sure he safe keeps his assets.
I still love you and respect you and that is sayin’ a lot all things considered, although not like I use to anymore anyways. I really do hope that you are able to take my comments in the right way and move on forwards with the rest of your life; assumin’ you can kick that nasty cough you’ve had for so long, and clear up that herpes thing you got; I’m really sorry I gave that to you too Baby. If I’d of realized what that itch was I never would have shared them with ya, honest. Then when I finally went to the County Health Clinic, I wasn’t sure that you didn’t give them to me, as we was both screwin’ around with other people, it could have been either one of us. I know’d that married people are supposed to share and share alike but I really wish we had not shared this time.
As I sit out here by the wood pile with my felt pen and paper in my hand this beautiful Sunday morning, I was a just a wonderin’ where you might be at that very moment, and whether you done went totally lesbo while you was in jail; my heart is broke at the thought of losing you but then, what the hell else can I do? I suppose I starting making up my mind about fillin’ for the divorce and leavin’ you a few months ago when that hag Darlene from next door stopped by and started bitching me out about your all them nighttime activities of yours. She was really pissed off about it too when you did most of it in her yard.
Apparently, after she caught you peeping in through their bathroom window when her husband was taking his shower, she ordered a couple of those military-grade night-vision surveillance cameras and had them mounted in her back yard. I’ll bet you had no idear that she done that neither. I might have to get me some of them cameras to mount in me and Lulabell’s bedroom once I get moved in over there. I keep thinkin’ bout all the sexy things we do together, as the woman is a damn contortionist and how good the pictures will look. She sure ain’t nothin’ like your fat ass. Sorry Baby, I really shouldn’t oughta compare you’ll.
Well, that Darlene woman, she said that seeing you a running around neked, and a barking and making them wild animal sounds at all hours of the night, and taking a dump in her yard like a goddam hound grossed her out. I really can’t say that I blame her any either; it really was one of the grossest things I ever did see when she showed me the pictures of your fat ass taking a dump just like a dog. It really pissed her off that you left that mess for her to clean up right under her clotheslines too. She said you have no consideration whatsoever of her. I am pretty sure she stepped in it when she carried out a full basket of sheets to hang on the line. She didn’t come out and tell me that but I just figured she must of and that day the sheets wera all flyin’ in the wind.
Now, Sugarplums, as a grown man, I know it’s a lot fun to use the outdoors like a toilet and when you think about it, back tens of hundreds a years ago, if you believe in that evil-lution stuff, men and women all peed and shit outside, and like you, they just used what nature provided to clean themselves up. At least, from what I heard, you was a cleaning your ass up using leaves and twigs, most of the time anyways. Afore I forget it, you might want to try to hold down the number of times you go out prowlin’ in the dark to just them nights when there ain’t a full moon out. Too many folks can see with the moon full, just ‘bout like it being daylight, so your chances of bein’ caught goes way up. After this last trip to jail, you sure can’t afford to get caught again or they be givin’ you some real hard time at the women’s state pen.
Also, our neighbor Darlene is mostly upset because when you was outside their bathroom window, her husband could see you ‘cause of the lights shining out through the window into the yard. Playin’ with yourself with all kinds a unnatural foreign objects is offensive to some people; don’t you realize that? In addition, those tallboy beer bottles you like stickin’ up your cunt; what if one of them shattered while you was a getting off on it? I really think what Darlene was most upset about was when her own husband started hinting to her that she might outta use a Budweiser bottle now and then too, and you know Darlene… she just drinks Coors.
It doesn’t really bother me that you sneak out like that and all but it did start me a thinking about all the other crazy shit you pull. Darlene may have overlooked your peeping-Jane activities if’n her husband had’na not gone out there for a blowjob from you so many times. I keep wonderin’ what the hell you was a thinkin’ to pull that shit where Darlene could see ya’ a goin’ down on her old man? Sweetie Tweetie, it was sure nice of you to blow him but sometimes you just don’t think about other people, like poor Darlene. You really managed to piss off one of your best friends, well she used to be anyway but not so much anymores. And, you know what? She’s quit givin’ me a taste now and then too and I liked her pussy a lot, gonna miss it.
Anyway, the first thing I want you to think about is who you go around sucking off. Blowing the wrong man can definitely get you in trouble. In addition, it’s a good thing Darlene’s oldest boy Bubba is eighteen now, or you might have really a gotten yourself in some trouble. By the way, I am a little curious about that Bubba kid. Did you just blow him or did you let him fuck you too? Darlene wasn’t that clear on that, and she wouldn’t let me watch the video she made, even after I begged her to let me see it. I’m a wagerin’ that she might think she can sell’em or a somethin’ like that on one of them Internet porn sites she’s always lookin’ at.

Author Information

I.M. Telling lives in the southern United States, on the coast and has been a non-fiction writer for some time. He has always wanted to write erotica and is finally making that dream a reality. His writing includes everything from highly explicit erotica featuring interracial relationships, swinging, and cuckold tales to very sensual stories of bondage and examining the dynamics of open marriage. His writing has also started to extend into other genres including adventure, humor, and stories with extreme violence.

Many of his writings take a tongue-in-cheek approach to the subject matter, often poking fun at stereotypes and purposely going over-the-top with subtle and dark humor, he often includes a twist ending.


Publisher Information

This story has been self-published by the author

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